17 Terrible Tips For Getting Stuff Done At Work

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed

1. Try working outside. See if you can finish what you are doing before a layer of snow falls on your keyboard.

2. Install an app on your computer that shouts “HEY, I'M LOOKING AT PORN OVER HERE!” every time you try to open a new tab on your computer.

3. Change the passwords on your social media accounts to something you will never remember (try closing your eyes and having a cat walk across your keyboard).

4. Take a break every two hours to practice your parkour in the office kitchen.

5. Throw your smartphone down the elevator shaft.

6. Write three tasks you need done on a post-it note and toss it out the window. Maybe somebody else will find the paper and help you out.

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed

7. Wake up at 2 a.m. to begin your work day. Morning might be your most productive time!

8. Drink all of your recommended eight 8-ounce glasses of water, and a couple shots of vodka, in the first hour of the day. Don’t let yourself go to the bathroom until you finish returning phone calls.

9. If a meeting lasts longer than five minutes, get up and leave.

10. If a phone call lasts longer than two minutes, hang up.

11. If you have more than 100 emails in your inbox, close your account.

12. Don a Jedi costume and summon the force to help you type faster.

Jen Lewis / BuzzFeed

13. Mix things up by trading jobs with someone you work with. Don’t know how to code? You’ll learn.

14. Don't allow yourself to drink anything except the cold day-old coffee that has been sitting in the pot until you get a task done.

15. Focus on being really present while you make 100 copies of that binder for your upcoming conference in Duluth. Soak up the humming noises, the rhythmic motions, and the tiny bits of paper that refuse to become unjammed no matter how many times you punch the machine. Even the most mundane tasks hold meaning if you just embrace the monotony of the experience.

16. Move back into your parents’ house and set up an office in your old room. Have your mom check in every 15 minutes and ask, “Have you finished your work yet?”

17. Create a vision board showing all the things you need to do get done at work. Then quit your job.