I Built A Goddamn Professional Grade Blanket Fort And You Can Too

I’m not lonely, I’m solitary with style.

I'm a barely functional adult who struggles to leave the house most of the time. My flat is my cave, where I hide from responsibilities and bad dates alike.

As a broke writer, my flat is also tiny. I have no bay windows – because who the fuck has bay windows in London – and hence no room for a reading nook. Couple that with a creeping sense of melancholy and the remedy is clear: blanket fort.

Like any reasonable blanket-fort building 30-something, I decided to skip amateur hour and build a goddamn professional grade blanket fort. One that would double as a reading nook, a nap capsule, and a shelter from the woes of existence.

As I established that time I built a desk, I'm no DIY expert. I'm just a man with a broken heart, an electric screwdriver, no adult supervision, and way too much free time.

Daniel Dalton / BuzzFeed

You will need a bed:

This is my bed. It's a king size bed but it should be called giant size because I am not a king, but am quite literally a giant. Or figuratively. But still, I'm 6'4. I need a big bed.

Most people build blanket forts on floors or couches, but I'm not fucking about here, this is a professional operation.

Also my floor is 99% lava.

Daniel Dalton / BuzzFeed

Buy a tent.

My dad once told me to get a fucking job. Similarly, you don't need the whole tent, just the poles. Try and buy a tent with a similar surface area as your bed. I got mine for £15 from Argos.

It's a pretty shitty tent, but the poles do the job. If you still aspire to excellence then I hate to break it to you, but this project is not for you. The only way to survive the mind-numbing banality of existence is to resign yourself to adequacy.

Daniel Dalton / BuzzFeed

Salvage the pole pins.

These pole pins are attached to the corners of the tent. You can usually take them off without cutting the tent, but my ex Julie cut my heart to pieces for no reason, so don't let good sense stop you.

My flat is about 75% tote bag at this stage, so I cut the handles off a surplus tote into four strips of webbing. If you don't have a surplus tote bag then you've obviously never been the fuck outside because people literally throw tote bags at each other in a game of tote one-upmanship that will end us all.

We are drowning in them. Go get one.

Daniel Dalton / BuzzFeed

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